2018 – Life and Goals

New Years Day has a special place in my heart (right next to Halloween).  Every year I spend the time turning over resolutions and goals.  It’s like spring cleaning for the soul. Yet, this year was different.

I didn’t have “the list” like I usually do.  I didn’t stay up and midnight and immediate start journalling.  I didn’t have my panic attack of another year gone by.

And you know what?

It was wonderful.

Don’t get me wrong! I have goals.  I have stories that need to be written, things I want to do, place I want to go.  But, I trust myself to do them on my own.

Take, for example, my health.

“Eat healthier and be a better about exercise!”

Well, I downloaded PlateJoy back in August.  So, that is helping me there.  Plus, the holidays are over so I’ll go back to my usual cooking method.  On top of it, I got a mixer this year to make my own bread.  So, feeling pretty good there!

And for exercise, Yoga with Adriene took care of that for me.  I already love the instructor, and she was leading the way to a better January with daily flows for a truer self.  So far so good.

“Write more & get published!”

Well, that last part is already happening for 2019.  Win there! I want to keep going – but that requires finished novels that have been polished.

Alright, what are you going to work on? How will you keep yourself writing?

Alright, let’s see here…I have Morgan, Top Hat Society II: Syn Rising, The Man from Kumo(still working on that title), The Cast Outs, Alex Butler and the Unruly Library  …Yeah I think I’ve got plenty to work with.  

I’ve been keeping my journal on me daily for whenever the story strikes me.  I have an amazing support system that includes an aunt that sends me daily inspirations, a friend group that never quits, and a fiance that listens to my ramblings happily.

“Fine, those are done…what about love? Find love!”

Oh, but I have.  In 2013, I sought out therapy to teach me how to love myself.  I came to my therapist as an emotional tornado that felt I couldn’t live alone.  Or perhaps I should say, I couldn’t live with myself.  During that time, I rediscovered “me”.  I stopped trying to pretend to be someone else for whoever I was dating.  I stopped trying to fit into a mold that would please everyone.  I started to say no, a word I feared.  During that journey, I became confident in myself.   My best friends were excited to see the girl they had once known come back.   The funny thing was Kyle got to know me for who I was.  We were best friends without judgement or fear of what the other thought.  We said what we felt and were willing to have deep philosophical arguments at midnight.  Everyone saw the love growing between us, but we were the last to find out.  To speed up the story, we started to date in 2014 and now in 2018, we will be getting married.  He is my soulmate, and I cannot wait for the day I can call him my husband.

“Okay…travel! Definitely, need to travel!”

Already have it covered.  Going to Norway in the fall.  Next?

“This isn’t fair!  I’m your anxiety! I get final say!”

Yes, I have anxiety.  No, it will never be easy.  But it doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy my adventure.

In conclusion, yes.  I have goals. I know life will get in the way, but that’s okay. I can safely say I am happy.  Maybe not every day, but that won’t stop me in my tracks either.  I’m excited to see where this year takes me, and I’m excited you are coming with me.

Exhaustion and Imagination

As of late, I’ve been so focused on editing my story.  I usually hate editing, but this time around it has been a little more fun (probably thanks to knowing it will come out in print).  I cannot sugarcoat the lack of inspiration to write new pieces though. 

 For some authors, they are constantly writing. For others it comes in one massive overhaul, and then they are done.  I find myself somewhere in the middle. My writing is more like a lunar cycle, and right now I’m stuck in a new moon.

I know the future will be full of stories and Arthurian legend research, but until then I’m stuck in the phase of exhaustion (mentally and physically).  I try not to stress over it, but then my anxiety creeps in the night to remind me that time is slipping away. I’m 27, brain, not 100. Calm down. 

I just need to remind myself that tonight, a little crescent of inspiration will peak out of somewhere. And if I take the opportunity to write, great! And if I don’t? Not the end of the world. Just make it a goal for the next day. 

Eventually my full moon will come around, and the characters, just waiting for the adventure to continue, will come banging pots and pans in my head until I give them their due. 

Shall We Begin?

The journey I’m on feels like a strange one.  It is amazing, and it will have plenty of growing pains.  But it is the one I have wanted since 6th grade.  In 2019 Top Hat Society will be a published novel.

It is a bit like going through the 5 Stages of Grief, but I’d call mine The 5 Stages of Disbelief.

Denial – This can’t be happening.

Anger – How dare those bullies in high school tease and tear at my stories as if I weren’t a human being beneath those words?

Bargaining – I am going to have to give the devil my soul, aren’t I?

Depression –  Can I do this?  There will always be someone who hates my writing…do I have the skin for this game?

Acceptance – Yes, this is happening.  Yes, those kids at school were quite cruel.  But you are achieving your dream.  No, there is no devil soul exchange needed.  Your publisher is quite nice and down to earth.  And yes, you can do this.  Again, this is your dream. Not everyone is going to like it.  But your dream was to be published and provide an escape to readers just as you looked for in your novels.

So there it is for you! My first post at the start of a journey.  2018 will be full of new things.  So…shall we begin?

~E. M. Vick